Top do's and don'ts from etiquette expert William Hanson

From 'naff figures' on top of the cake to flashing too much flesh, opinionated etiquette expert William Hanson separates the distinguished from the downright rude.
The happy couple
Presents
Asking for money instead of presents is very bad form. I’ve even heard of bank details being printed on the invitation – this is grim indeed. You should have a
gift list, but also allow people to buy you things that aren’t on the list.
Cake
Figures on a wedding cake are a no-no
A fruit cake is a nice tradition, and it is lovely to keep the top layer for your first child’s christening (if it’s made with enough alcohol, fruit cake lasts a very long time). Naff little figures on top of the cake are not the done thing.
Music
If you choose to have a DJ rather than a band or a string quartet, remember that many of the older generation – or, in fact, anyone with any taste – may choose to slip away early. Don’t assume your granny is going to enjoy dancing to David Guetta as much as you do, so try to cater to all tastes.
Tables
Consider naming the tables after something personal to you, such as houses you’ve lived in, countries you’ve visited together, or your favourite flowers.
Reception
Limiting some guests to reception-only is sure to create problems. People may get het up about it, and it’s a disaster that can be avoided. If you don’t like them enough to invite them to the wedding ceremony, why are you having them there in the evening?
Bridesmaids and ushers
Have a maximum of THREE bridesmaids
Having too many bridesmaids makes your big day look like something from a celebrity magazine, not a chic royal wedding.
Three is absolute maximum, although if you’re getting married in a cathedral, you may allow yourself one or two more. You shouldn’t have too many ushers either, just enough to do the job.
And never ever ask bridesmaids or ushers to buy their own clothes – if you can’t afford their outfits,have fewer of them.
Invitations
Postal invitations should always be sent (about eight weeks in advance) – never invite people on Facebook or by email.
You can tell a lot about the type of wedding it will be from the invitation:if it’s fun and jolly, it will probably be a relaxed affair; if the invite is in a traditional style, it will most likely be a more formal event.
Bridal showers
Just awful – it’s presumptuous to expect to be showered with gifts. If you do have a bridal shower, it should not be organised by the bride or any direct family members, and you shouldn’t expect additional presents at the wedding.
Guests
Yea or nay?
Never do Facebook invites
Respond to the invitation within two to three days. Traditionally, responses should be written in the third person, repeating the invitation back.
Nowadays you may phone or email your response.
Parents
Remember to be a help rather than a hindrance. If you’re paying for the wedding, then you do have more of a say, and your children need to accept this. The bride’s parents should not be expected to pay for everything any more – the cost should be shared.
Children
If a child’s name isn’t on the invite, they are not invited. It’s worth double-checking with the couple, but don’t pressure them to invite your offspring. It’s up to them whether they want children there.
Photos
Getty Try not to upload photos of the day until the bride and groom have
Don’t post pictures on social media before the bride and groom have uploaded theirs. And if you have a photograph of the bride not looking her best, don’t share it.
What to wear
Gents
If morning dress is not specified, make sure you ask whether it is required. If it’s not morning dress, a chap should wear a lounge suit. In the summer, you can get away with a lighter suit, or a linen one if it’s too hot for a wool one. The top
button must always be done up, and a tie has to be worn.
Ladies
You must wear tights, even if it is a summer wedding. Traditionally, you should also wear a hat and gloves too – if it’s morning dress, this is a must. Your dress should not be higher than the knee, particularly if the wedding is in a church.
Rex Save your biggest hat for Ascot not your friends' nuptials
Black and white
It’s bad luck to wear black at a wedding, not to mention poor taste. Also, in the summer, black is the last colour you want to wear, as you’re going to boil. And don’t go for white unless you’re the bride.
Elements of black or white in your dress are fine, but turning up in an LBD is just not the done thing.
Hats
If it’s a formal church wedding, it’s likely you’ll be expected to wear a hat. If you’re unsure, check with the bride or groom beforehand.
But remember, it’s not Royal Ascot where you can wear huge hats with wide brims, as you’ll obscure the view of the ceremony for the people sitting behind you. A lady always keeps her hat on in church, whereas a man should take it off.

What to do when weddings bring out worst

Dear Carolyn: My friend is having a destination wedding. We have small children, which would make travel very difficult, and we have nobody to leave them with at home. And while we could technically afford it, it would set us back more than we are comfortable with; we'd be using our "if something bad happens, we need this" pot.
We do not question our decision to send our regrets. The problem is that our friend is taking this personally, and the guilt trips, while relatively mild, are persistent. I really think that if you have a wedding that requires (multiple!) planes, you need to recognize your guest list may shrink and not blame guests who are unable to make the trip.
I'm struggling to say this in a kind way. I've said other things about the difficulty of travel with kids, although not the bit about the money, since I don't like sharing finances with friends and worry the friend would also take our prioritizing of our rainy-day fund personally, too. Any suggestions?
Dear Blues: Often, clarity is kindness. Next time Friend cranks out the guilt: "Multiple planes + small kids = non-starter. You seem to be taking this personally; am I hearing you correctly?"
Get it out there. Say what you need to say; listen to what you need to listen to. Then, that's it — you no longer engage on this topic.
Normally, I'd skip right to the do-not-engage square, since "no" is both a complete sentence and a sufficient response to an invitation. However, your attempts to say this "in a kind way" suggest you've undermined your goal of communication by mincing around the truth. So, be direct, then be done.
Dear Carolyn: I have a very dear friend who is about to get married in a family-only wedding. She has also announced she will be having a wedding reception two days after Thanksgiving. My in-laws are super-sensitive about any perceived slights, given the (not very much) time we commit to spending with them, and we committed to Thanksgiving this year. They live far from the reception location.
If this were my friend's actual wedding, I would go no matter what. But for a party, I don't want to take on the hassle involved in finding a way there. I've often used your wedding advice as a guide, but I don't know what you would think about a pseudo-wedding.
Dear Attending: Scoff much? This isn't a "re-enactment" or a "pseudo-wedding," it's a reception. If you just don't want to go, then don't go, but at least give your "very dear friend" the benefit of the doubt.
I often advise an after-the-fact reception as a solution to many problems that plague weddings — including, but not limited to, high costs, planning hassles, problematic family members, loved ones who live far from a wedding site and a desire for an intimate wedding but an inclusive celebration.
If anyone deserves skepticism here, it's people too "super-sensitive" to defer to a very dear friend's life celebration, especially if you go solo and their child comes as planned for Thanksgiving. But maybe that's just me.

MSC Lirica to feature in BBC’s primetime TV show Don’t Tell The Bride

The show, which will move from BBC3 to a new primetime slot at 8pm on BBC1, follows grooms as they plan an entire wedding celebration on their own without any input from their brides-to-be.
In the third episode of the ninth series, Manchester-based Mark Kelly will prepare a theatrical wedding aboard cruise ship MSC Lirica for sweetheart Kelly Roughley. Kelly had already found her sea legs as she previously worked aboard cruise ships but Mark had never been to sea before. Despite appearing to be the perfect venue in Mark’s eyes in true Don’t Tell The Bride style, Kelly will be expecting something much more traditional.
The couple currently work together as presenters, actors, singers, a magician/illusionist duo, and children’s entertainers. They used to host Salford City Radio’s drive time show and also spent two weeks on Channel 4’s Coach Trip in 2014.
MSC Cruises executive director UK and Ireland Giles Hawke said the show would introduce the brand to a new audience of younger, fun-loving potential clients. He said “Don’t Tell The Bride has become a real cult classic and attracts fantastic viewing figures. The fact that it is switching to a primetime spot on BBC1 demonstrates how popular it has become.”
He continued, “MSC Cruises invests in marketing in a very different way from our rivals in the UK. We aim to maximise our exposure in clever ways and demonstrate what makes us different and special. An MSC cruise is for people who love life, don’t take themselves too seriously and want a real holiday rather than a more staid and stuffy experience. We decided to take part because we have the utmost confidence in our on-board events teams and knew the staff on MSC Lirica would be able to handle any of the requests thrown at them. The programme highlights what a great job they do and what a great alternative wedding venue an MSC Cruises ship can be.”
MSC Cruises offers three different types of wedding packages which all include the services of a dedicated wedding planner. Prices for the silver, gold and platinum packages start from €490, €590, and €690 respectively (approximately £354, £426 and £498 respectively). The wedding planners work with couples to handle all the details of planning the wedding and ceremonial packages include options for everything from photography and video, music, fresh flowers, food and beverage and a cake. Weddings on-board are symbolic so couples need to have a legal ceremony on land too.
This hour-long episode was filmed on-board MSC Lirica in September 2014 and is scheduled to air on Wednesday 8 July at 8pm on BBC1. The new series of Don’t Tell The Bride starts on Wednesday 24 June.
MSC Cruises is the latest cruise line to be featured in a television show. Earlier this year Azamara Club Cruises’ vessels featured in Nigel Marven’s nature documentary Cruise Ship Adventures. Last year, Princess Cruises’ Royal Princess featured in the fly-on-the-wall documentary The Cruise Ship.

Two Bridal Designers Are Here and Taking Your Same-Sex Wedding Questions

It’s LGBT Pride Month, and we’re so excited to have wedding dress designer Kpoene’ Kofi-Nicklin, the Creative Director of Mignonette Bridal, back to answer any and all questions you have about same-sex weddings. This time, Kpoene’ has asked her friends and colleagues Cindy Savage and Julia Zayas-Melendez, of Crafty Broads, to join us as well.
Cindy and Julia founded Crafty Broads, a Chicago-based company that offers custom wedding garments, restyles, and alterations for every gender, as well as wedding planning services, in 2010.
Before we turn you loose on them, we had a few questions of our own.
What wedding-wear trends are you seeing among same-sex couples?
Kpoene’: Couples are choosing to wear things that make them happy, rather than going too matchy-matchy. I don’t personally work with any male couples because I specialize in wedding gowns, but we see a lot of ladies rocking amazing style, whether their gown is a bespoke confection from my shop, Mignonette, or a retro style from Modcloth. I am really happy at how far LGBT weddings have come in the last ten years — when I was planning my wedding, it felt like the options were very limited because it wasn’t a guarantee that vendors would even want to work with you. This might sound weird, but I feel like we are finally giving ourselves permission to have celebrations that are as beautiful and special and over-the-top as our straight friends’ weddings.
Cindy & Julia: We’re seeing a lot of couples choose to coordinate, but not match, in color and/or material choices! For example, we made a pair of suits last year with a purple brocade jacket and black pants for one bride, while her wife selected a coordinating purple silk for her blouse to wear with her black suit.
How are the options changing in terms of what a same-sex couple has available to them, sartorially, when it comes to weddings?
Kpoene’: A lot of amazing companies have popped up recently that cater to female-bodied folks who want to wear beautiful suits, like Saint Harridan and the Butch Clothing Co. It is great knowing that you no longer have to buy a boxy men’s suit and try to have it tailored to accommodate hips and boobs, all while worrying that you are going to be humiliated by the sales staff. At the same time, a custom suit does come with a large price tag, but it is so worth it because you can wear it again and again. My wife had an amazing silver jacquard suit made for our wedding and she wears it to formal events all the time.
Cindy & Julia: Well, the sky is the limit when you choose something custom! Our specialty is collaboration with our clients; we work directly with them to turn their inspirations and ideas into the garment they dream up. We don’t really follow fashion trends; rather, we encourage people to wear what suits them best — so the options are essentially unlimited.
In the ready-to-wear sector, we’re seeing a variety of options come into our shop for alteration. The strapless ballgown as a mandate for women is done. Vintage-inspired styles, short dresses, and sleeves are in. We’re also altering many more suits for women to wear instead of a wedding dress, and getting requests for custom dresses for men!
How can a couple avoid looking too matchy-matchy if both women choose to wear suits or both women choose to wear dresses?
Kpoene’: Hopefully individual style will come into play. A lot of couples might want to match, but will also choose to mix it up by wearing different-colored ties or vests, or in the case of two gowns, maybe different-colored accessories. At the same time, two white gowns or two suits next to each other are naturally going to look similar. Just know that you don’t have to wear the same thing as your partner. We actually didn’t book a vendor because she assumed we would be wearing matching dresses. It was such an odd question to have to field.
Cindy & Julia: The key is coordination — choose the same fabric or color (or both), but not the same style. One may wear a short dress with a full skirt while the other wears a long sheath, but they select the same shade of ivory; for suits they might choose an accent color which one wears in a vest or tie and the other in a shirt or blouse.
Do you have any advice for women who feel pressure from their family to wear dresses, when they would prefer to wear pants?
Kpoene’: Ugh, this is the worst. I do know some brides whose families pressured them into wearing gowns, and they were miserable the entire time (plus, they had to spend money on dresses they didn’t want to wear).
Since family is a delicate thing to negotiate, my biggest piece of advice to any bride or groom or broom or gride is to pick your battles. If mom is leaning on you to wear a froofy dress, but isn’t paying for it, try to delicately let her know that since this is coming out of your pocket, you will make the choice about what to wear. Alternately, wear the damn dress for the ceremony and change into something flattering and comfortable for the party. Your fiancé understands and will love you either way. In the end, whatever is going to get you through the day with a minimum of shouting is the right answer.
Cindy & Julia: Time to stand up and speak for themselves! It’s your wedding, you should wear what you want, and the people who love and support you will continue to do so no matter how you’re dressed. As with many wedding-related decisions, everyone — especially family — has opinions, but it is up to the couple to decide what’s most important for their wedding day. (And the old adage applies: It’s better to apologize later than to ask permission now.)
Speaking of pants! Can you recommend designers and stores where women can find formal suits?
Kpoene’: Yes! I adore Saint Harridan! And in Chicago of course we have Crafty Broads!!! I am also a big fan of J Crew’s women’s suits, which my wife looks quite dashing in, and DapperQ has a great style blog for female-bodied people looking for sartorial advice. Bindle and Keep is another good one. So much attention is finally being paid to this segment of the market, it is really awesome to see all the options!
At Bridal Market this year I also noticed that several of the bigger gown companies are now offering beautiful Marlene Dietrich-style women’s tuxedos, which signals a massive shift in the market. It’s really exciting to see what companies are paying attention.
Cindy & Julia: Come to us for a custom suit, of course! =)
For a good made-to-measure option, ladies can check out St. Harridan, but do expect to pay a tailor for minor adjustments and finishing details — as with standard menswear, suits often come with unfinished hems and buttons awaiting exact placement.
Women can also try a traditional menswear store. Shop for a jacket that fits well in the shoulders and pants which fit the hips; again expect to see a tailor for fitting it properly.

7 Ways To Wear Patterns When You're Plus Size And Wanna Spice Up Your Workwear

As a freelance writer and small business owner, I am lucky enough that I can go to my office wearing a 2 Chainz concert t-shirt and on some days, I totally do. But many women who look like me have corporate jobs that require plus size professional wear. And while I definitely got called in by HR at one of my past corporate jobs because I wore too much “loud jewelry,” I love the challenge of maintaining personal style while fitting into company dress standards.
My best friend, Kristen, snagged her first corporate job last year that actually required her to dress up to work. Kristen and I are the kind of co-dependent friends who consult each other before we make any purchase — online or in-store. So when Kristen landed this job, I was already mentally going through her closet in my head and putting together outfits. We made very few new purchases and still managed to put together a month’s worth of outfits that earned her daily compliments from her new co-workers.
In the six months since Kristen started in corporate, I’ve realized how important it is as a plus-size woman to not get stuck in the black blazer, black pencil skirt, black sleeveless shell, and black pants rut. Mixing fun patterns with her go-to basics is one of Kristen’s favorite corporate style hacks.
As a size 18 on a budget, she does a lot of her shopping at JCPenney, Old Navy, Cat’s Closet and, of course, Ready to Stare for her accessories. Even though she really hates having her picture taken, I pulled the best friend card and asked Kristen to let me take her photo in seven of our favorite pattern-mixing professional looks.
These gradient print pants are one of the few purchases Kristen made without my knowledge and when I first saw her in them, I was so impressed! The cut of the Old Navypixie ankle pants is so perfect to wear with heels or flats and all of the fun patterns make it super easy to pair with a plain top like Kristen’s go-to style from JCPenney. These pants only go up to a size 20 at Old Navy but Eloquii offers a similar style up to a size 28.
3. Cheetah Print Pencil Skirt
Kristen grabbed this skirt from indie business, Cat’s Closet, that sells second-hand plus-size garments that are usually all under $20. Kristen has alerts on her phone for when Cat’s Closet posts its new items because there’s always only one of each item available. She paired the look with a single chain belt from my line Ready to Stare for a little gaudy, corporate realness.
4. Tropical Trousers
Kristen and I affectionately call these her “Olivia Pope pants” because they remind us of a silhouette that Kerry Washington might wear on Scandal when she’s being a total boss. Kristen initially didn’t see my vision with these pants when I made her try them on at JCPenney, but paired with a sleek bun and bow blouse, this look is totally chic and professional and a far cry from that suit your mom made you buy when you interviewed for your first internship in college.
5. ’80s Print Peplum
I’m usually anti-peplum but this dress is another one of Kristen’s second-hand finds from Cat’s Closet and it’s pretty much adorable on her. The simplicity of the black and white pattern pairs nicely with a fun coral colored shoe and gold chain necklace. The high-cut neckline makes it work appropriate for someone like Kristen who is bigger-chested.
6. Architecture Tank
This tank was a score from the JCPenney sale rack and the graphic pattern, which reminds me of the Chrysler building, makes a bold statement and pairs easily with black basics. Kristen wears this tank tucked into a high-waisted pencil skirt or underneath a blazer with trousers.
7. Red Polka Dot Pants
Kristen really loves the Old Navy pixie ankle pants so she has a few pairs including this red polka dot pair. The color alone stands out so the polka dot pattern is perfectly subtle. Kristen added her favorite black basic top and a layered chain bracelet from my line.

Spotlight: High Line Car House

Angela Petro had a decision to make. It was January 2013 and, after 16 years in business, her company, Two Caterers, had outgrown its tiny Westerville office. She could keep it simple and just find a larger space with a kitchen and offices. But the historic Brewery District building at 550 S. High St. was calling her name.
“When I walked in and saw this building, it smelled like sewer gas and it was moldy and gross,” Petro says. “But I live in German Village, so I knew of this building. And I was intrigued. I mean, it spoke to me. The bones were good. You could see the brick walls; you could see the exposed ceiling.”
Sure, it needed work—a lot of work. And it would put her over budget. But when Petro stood inside the former trolley barn, she saw the potential to transform it into a stunning venue space on the cusp of Downtown. So she took the plunge. “It was the best decision we could have made,” she says.
Built in 1873, the building first served as a southern stop for horse-drawn trolleys, which were eventually electrified. “When we excavated to put in the new sanitary and water lines, they found all the tracks are still underneath the foundation,” Petro says.
Now, after a complete renovation and a second-floor addition, the building houses Two Caterers’ offices and commercial kitchen in addition to High Line Car House, the venue arm of the business. High Line, which can seat 250 people with a dance floor, hosts all types of events, with weddings being the primary use of the venue.
Custom is king for weddings here. “This is anti-package,” Petro says. “We can help people if they prefer a package-type thing, but really this is a custom experience.” The company provides couples with tables, fruitwood chiavari chairs and tents if they choose to use the patio. From there, it’s a blank slate. “Even though this has a very strong design aesthetic, it is still something that you can make your own,” Petro says. “Any colors work in here; any kinds of decor or florals work in this space. And so I think this is for a couple who really want to express their personal aesthetic.”
That theme carries over to food and beverage, too. Couples who book the venue are required to use Two Caterers, which has a combined food and beverage minimum. “Our belief is food should be simple: few ingredients, big on flavor, with a contemporary, very clean presentation,” Petro says, adding some of their most popular dishes include Asiago chicken, corn salsa (also served at their food truck, Sweet Carrot), seven-onion soup and short ribs.
This marriage of catering and event space is exactly what Petro envisioned when she first toured the historic building. Says Petro, “I started my company 18 years ago, and this [space] was a dream come true.”

Ellen Albertini Dow, Best Known as Rapping Granny in ‘Wedding Singer

Her name was Ellen Albertini Dow. You probably knew her as the rapping granny from 1998’s “The Wedding Singer.”
She died Monday at 101, according to representative Juliet Green, of Juliet Green Management.
“I said a hip hop, Hippie to the hippie. The hip, hip a hop, and you don’t stop, rock it,” Dow jauntily sang in the movie’s version of the hip-hop classic “Rapper’s Delight” by the Sugarhill Gang.
But this woman was so much more than a gag in an Adam Sandler movie.
She appeared in more than two dozen films and nearly 40 television shows, among them many of the biggest series in the last few decades. She appeared on Broadway three times.
Dow began studying dance at the age of 5, according to her Internet Movie Database biography.
She worked with the likes of dancer Martha Graham and French mimes Marcel Marceu and Jaques Lecoq, according to her resume on her own website. She ran a mime troupe for a while, and earned a master’s degree in theater from Cornell University.
She taught drama at two Los Angeles area colleges for nearly three decades. The theater at the second of those schools, Pierce College, was named after her and her late husband, Eugene Dow — who founded the department.
In a Facebook posting, the school’s theater department mourned the loss of what it called “the matriarch of its family.”
“A woman maybe known for a certain movie but she surely leaves behind a greater legacy than that,” Facebook user Stephanie Alvena posted to the department’s Facebook page.
In her late-career movie roles, Dow was best known for playing sweet-looking elderly women with unexpected edges. In addition to playing Rosie the rapping grandmother in “The Wedding Singer,” Dow played raunchy grandma Mary Cleary in “Wedding Crashers.”
“Everyone is talking about her role in The Wedding Singer, I’m over here like: NAH, Wedding CRASHERS for the win!” Facebook user Ashley Gilyard wrote on Pierce’s Facebook page. “Rest in peace, Ellen.”