“We wanted to go for an almost-over-the-top thing,” said Scott Meoni-Ridenour, 45, who celebrated his marriage to partner Bill Meoni-Ridenour, 48, at a lavish ceremony at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History recently. “We never expected this to happen in our lifetime, so we wanted to do something big and grand.”
“It was flawless, magical,” said Bill, a local actor.
The Fox Chapel pair leased the museum and invited 135 guests to share their renewed nuptials among dinosaurs, fossils and mummies. Same-sex marriage has been legal in Pennsylvania since May 20, when a federal judge declared the state’s ban on such marriages unconstitutional.
After 11 years together, the couple was tired of waiting for gay marriage to be legalized in Pennsylvania, so they married last year in a small, private ceremony on Fire Island, N.Y.
“We knew we wanted to do something in Pittsburgh to celebrate it,” Scott said. “We decided to renew our vows so our friends and family could be included.”
They had a year to plan the wedding, and the preparation showed. Autumnal colors of gold, burgundy and plum bedecked everything from linens to centerpieces.
“The Great Gatsby came to mind,” said Scott, a managing director of BNY Mellon.
Bill said: “We sat down with the florist and told them we wanted simple elegance and fall colors, and we told him to come up with a plan.”
Finding supportive vendors is emerging as one of the more important elements in same-sex weddings, said Jamie Miles, editor of TheKnot.com, a wedding website created in 1997.
“Some vendors will refuse service,” Ms. Miles said. “It’s really important to do your research on your vendors before you start working with them. Same-sex friendly vendors will give it their all and showcase their work, while others might be reluctant.”
Public support for gay marriage has swelled considerably in recent years, with 32 states and Washington, D.C., legalizing marriage for same-sex couples. In 11 other states, the issue is wending its way through the courts and is expected to soon bring to 43 the number of states where same sex marriage is legal.
And same-sex weddings are quickly becoming a booming industry. The Williams Institute, a think-tank at the UCLA School of Law, estimates that as much as $492 million in revenue will be generated in California over the next three years, as 37,000 same-sex couples tie the knot, while legalizing gay marriage in New York City resulted in about $259 million in revenue during the first year.
Weddings in general generated $53.4 billion last year, according to the Wedding Report, a research company that tracks the costs associated with weddings.
Same-sex couples frequently chuck typical wedding traditions and instead rely on personal taste to dictate their own traditions, Ms. Miles said. As for it being bad luck to see the bride — or the groom — in their wedding clothes before the ceremony, same-sex couples aren’t buying it, Ms. Miles said.
“Ninety-one percent of them will see the wedding attire in advance,” she said.
Other traditions, such as changing last names, selecting a bridal party or incorporating religion into the wedding ceremony are typically decided by each couple based on their individual wishes. Bill and Scott decided on hypenating and combining their last names because when they were married in New York, state law allowed them to easily change their names on the marriage license, unlike Pennsylvania where courts must be petitioned.
They felt the hypenation was a good compromise, Scott said, to keep their professional names.
Plus, “this was a very visual way of showing our commitment,” Scott said.
The two also tossed typical traditions, like slicing the wedding cake and a large bridal party. Instead, Bill and Scott had two best friends stand by them for the ceremony.
They also called on drag queens and friends to supply the night’s entertainment, with Kierra Darshall coordinating the show and performing as Diana Ross, Divauna Diore as a belly dancer, Blade Matthews as Cher, and Lady Diamond performing a comedy number, “If I can’t sell, I’ll sit on it,” from the show “Black and Blue.”
“We threw away all the traditions,” Scott said. “We just wanted to have a good party and celebrate with our friends.”
Instead of gifts, the couple requested guests contribute to the PPG Zoo and Aquarium, where Bill is a docent. But, they did have a first dance and a toast.
“Everybody was very supportive — we were very lucky,” Scott said. “We really only invited people who we really wanted to have come.”
For couples like Terry Cowden and Karla Bolster, who have raised two children together, the wedding was more of a legality than a change in lifestyle.
“We’ve been together almost 21 years,” said Ms. Cowden, 47. “We were just kind of waiting. I didn’t think it would happen in our lifetime, at least not in Pennsylvania.”
For that reason, the Beechview couple held a commitment ceremony in August 1995 in Massachusetts.
Ms. Cowden’s job as a guidance counselor at Carrick High School provided her family with same-sex family benefits, but the couple still longed to call each other wife.
They were married by Pittsburgh Mayor Bill Peduto, along with 18 other couples, on June 15 during Pittsburgh Pride celebrations.
Instead of a lavish reception, the couple opted for a backyard party hosted by their children, Kaela Bolster Blum, 27, and Tyler Cowden Bolster, 15.
“The kids really wanted to do this, and we didn’t want to deprive them of that,” said Ms. Bolster, 48.
Ms. Miles said it’s OK to skip the pomp and circumstance for a simpler celebration.
“Get playful with your details,” she advised. “You don’t have to go strictly traditional with the reception.”
Bill and Scott had a custom cake-topper made with caricatures of them and their three dogs, Mya, Maxx and Mooshy.
The couple said that the most surprising part of the reception was the way it made them feel.
“The cheers went up in the end, and I almost fell down,” Scott said, recalling more than 100 guests observing their vow renewal on the grand staircase in the museum. “It was so heartfelt and wonderful. I still get chills thinking about it.”
“I never realized the strong personal emotion that was behind it until it actually happened,” Bill said. “It took a lot of fighting for us to get married to the person we’ve chosen.”
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